Something, Anything

Again

2011-12-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

Classified Information

2011-07-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

Advt. in Mumbai Mirror (30/6/2011)

I want a female computer too. And a "prom girl". Mr. Tejas Chheda, are you listening?

(Click the image for a closer look)

Update: Apparently, yes.

Advt. in Mumbai Mirror (4/7/2011)

For Safe Driving....

2010-05-21T03:32:00.000-07:00

"Use diaper at nite"

Seen on the back of a truck.

Dork: The Incredible Adventures Of Robin 'Einstein' Varghese - Book Review

2010-02-27T02:35:00.000-08:00

"Dork" is the debut novel of one of India's best known bloggers - Sidin Vadukut.

The story, in the form of diary entries, revolves around Robin Varghese. Robin is a naive fresher straight out of management school who's a genius - in his own mind. The book deals with his adventures and mishaps in corporate and personal life, and along the way, provides interesting and funny insights into office culture. It also revolves around his attempts at impressing 'his' girl - Gouri.

Readers of his blog will have no trouble recognizing his writing style and wit. Even readers who are unfamiliar with his writing will appreciate the humor and simple language. The working ones among you will find yourselves empathizing with Robin in at least a couple of his predicaments, and with more than a couple of his observations. My own favorites were the parts about billing clients and clearing expenses!

To sum up, the book is a quick, light and fun read - perfect for a plane trip or to relax with after a long day at work. At Rs 199/-only, this book is definitely recommended!

Get Rich, Get Famous...or Die Trying!!

2010-01-13T04:19:00.000-08:00

With no increase in salary for two years and a big increase in inflation and prices, it’s time to think out of the box to make ends meet. Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, V brings you:

The Get Rich Quick Scheme #101
V (& co.) will, with your cooperation and understanding, kidnap you for the purpose of extortion and ransom. After the ransom is paid in full, you will be released unharmed, and with a share of the booty. While in custody, you will be treated with the respect and warmth to which cooperation entitles you.

V (& co.) – The Unmatched Experts!
We are the only ones in the country with in-depth, end-to-end expertise in planning, executing and completing such operations. To ensure quality and no loose ends, the entire operation is performed in-house, with zero outsourcing.
Don’t be fooled into going with our competitors! Only V (& co.) offers:

Unmatched convenience - Choose your own time and place to get kidnapped!
Unmatched flexibility - Choose your own tools to assist the kidnapping—Rope, Knife, Sack, Chloroform*, anything!
Unmatched customization - Include your own demands in the ransom note—Tell daddy to buy you that stuffed teddy you always wanted!

*With chloroform, we throw in a free handkerchief!

Steals & Deals!
V (& co.) has taken the pioneering lead in launching innovative new plans that make everybody a winner! The more V earns, the more you earn! We provide various plans to suit your convenience and your family’s paying capacity. Don’t let these once in a lifetime deals get away!

Plan Name	Ransom Amount	% Share of Ransom	Amenities in Custody
Crème de la Crème (Sabse bada Khiladi) (Best deal !)	Above 1 Cr.	20%	Jacuzzi & Sauna, Gym membership, Tennis court, La-Z-Boy recliners, Free massages, food from 5-star hotels, pick-up and drop from/to kidnap point in Mercedes S-class car
Fatcats ho! (Paisa hi Paisa)	50 Lac – 1 Cr.	10%	Tennis courts, table tennis and pool facilities, Gym membership, food from 4-star hotels, passes to 1 Jagjit Singh ghazal concert
Aam Junta (Sasta, Sundar, Tikao)	10 Lac – 50 Lac	5%	Bed & blanket, Free Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner, FORGET-MI-NOT coffee mug, 1 pair of clean white shorts
Complimentary welcome drink is standard on all plans. Minimum ransom amount is Rs. 10 Lac.

Fine print:

Hospitality extends only as long as cooperation lasts. If you become cranky, you will be poisoned.
If only part of the ransom is paid, you will be released in parts. You can chose the parts that you want released (such as limbs, stomach, toes) and the order in which they should be released. This is an ideal opportunity for removing redundant organs, such as that extra kidney which we will sell to recover the remainder of the ransom.
Ransom amount must be paid in cash. EMI facility is not available.
You agree not to file police compliant, and agree to sign an agreement to that effect on stamp paper. You agree to take complete responsibility for any legal and criminal issues that may arise.
Scheme valid only in Bombay. For people outside Bombay, we provide special consultancy and support services on the art of self-kidnapping. Contact now for details and special offers.
The above plans are subject to change without prior notification.

Special Bonus
As an added special bonus, our mass media publicity blitz (sample image below) ensures that your photos appear prominently in major newspapers and TV, making you an instant celebrity. This gives you a great chance to participate in TV shows like Bigg Boss, Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao, and Swayamvar and make even more money!!!

Look mommy, I'm famous!!

To set up an appointment, call our toll-free helpline on 1800-KIDNAP NOW!!

Image source: http://www.caracaschronicles.com

Hello, Hi

2009-07-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

Sitting across a manager type at lunch, I smile and offer her some of mine. She smiles back and politely declines. Lost in my thoughts, I then proceed to devour my food. She does likewise. No more words are said until the plates are wiped clean, at which point we exchange a couple of lines about work and go our respective ways.

Realization: Need to learn the art of making small talk. Tips anyone?

Image: relep.deviantart.com

Things to do

2009-06-07T11:12:00.000-07:00

Busy twitching my finger. Might scratch my foot next. Let's see.

Image: www.designwalker.com

New Year New Office

2009-02-04T22:39:00.000-08:00

Aiiiiieeeeeeeroli! :(

To work:
40 Kms to work
2 train changes
1 40-minute bus ride
1 5-minute autorickshaw ride
a whole lot of waiting

and back:
40 Kms to home
3 train changes
1 5-minute autorickshaw ride
1 15-minute cab ride
even more waiting

Life just got more complicated.

That yearly thing, once again

2008-12-11T01:00:00.000-08:00

The older I become, the less important birthdays seem. The world didn't end after all, and no earth shattering revelation happened. It's just another day in Shiva's tandava of life...wake up, bath, go to work, slog, return, sleep and the cycle continues. Quite depressing when you think of it.

Image: http://www.emerson.k12.nj.us/

Note to self

2008-10-18T07:07:00.000-07:00

Why so serious?
इतने सीरियस क्यूँ हो, भाई?

A big mistake

2008-09-13T11:16:00.000-07:00

Chetan Bhagat writes like me...i.e. amateurishly. At least going by his third book (and my first Bhagat book.) Top that with a contrived, filmy ending, and I wasted my 3 hours. Wonder if his earlier books are like that too.

Of chats and creams

2008-05-21T05:25:00.000-07:00

Was thinking about sev puri and suddenly had this thought - how would it taste if we added ice cream along with the filling? Has anybody tried ice cream sev puri?

A solemn resolution

2007-12-25T20:34:00.000-08:00

2008 resolutions:

Get a life.
Make things happen.

Yeah, pretty abstract, I know.

Maybe I should file this under humor...mmm?

image: http://www.offthemarkcartoons.com

Idiot Box

2007-12-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

Why the hell is there NO watchable show on TV over the weekends???!!!

image: http://prblog.typepad.com/

A loyal mouse...betrayed thus!

2007-12-21T06:39:00.000-08:00

FOR SALE*

Item: 1 (one) White scroll mouse
Technology: Ball mouse
Brand: Logitech
Price: Rs 100/- only.
Ships: Worldwide

Item description:
Working PS2/Serial mouse with 2 buttons and a scroll wheel that acts as the 3rd button. Suitable for both left and right hand users. Comes with box and driver CD. Fair and lovely color. Wheel may give erotic feeling when scrolling.

This mouse has served its master faithfully for its entire lifetime, never once squeaking...till the end. It shall serve you equally faithfully (ok, maybe in a non-working capacity, but serve you it shall.)

Uses:
Multipurpose -

Can be used as a normal mouse as well as decorative paperweight.
Ball can be used to play goti (marbles).
Long wire enables swinging mouse over head with ease to lasso pesky people.
Wire can act as hangman's noose for make believe Saddam doll hangings.
Features special 'WonkyMode' for exciting unpredictability and random actions without user intervention. Perfect for playing pranks on unsuspecting colleagues.

Optional accessories:
PS2 to serial converter: Rs 20/-
User manual: Rs 10/-

Notes:

Shipping charges to be borne by buyer.
Serial connection requires PS2 to serial converter. Available as optional accessory.
Hangman's nooses are dangerous. This activity should not be performed on live humans. Seller assumes no responsibility for buyer's actions.
Ball not meant to be swallowed. If swallowed, contact doctor. If religious, pray.
CAVEAT EMPTOR applies at all times.

Interested parties may contact ASAP via email/Orkut scraps.
---

* Conditions Apply.

2007 – A Roundup

2007-12-01T04:01:00.000-08:00

Started the year off by shedding weight in Adnan Sami-esque proportions over 2 months in a really bad infection. Thought I would recover in 6 months, now I know it’ll take much much longer. Did pull back some mid-year, but a recent illness sees me back to square one.

Thought I found a really great friend, but it hasn’t quiet turned out like I had hoped. Pity, there’s so much potential!

Midway through the year, lost my job when the company folded. There was nothing very professional about the manner in which it happened, leaving me VERY pissed off.

Joined another organization later. The guys there should have seen the happy funny me, instead they got the sad quiet me. Sorry guys :-)

Knew D would come for raksha bandhan. She did come. But I ran away. Don’t really know why. End result: no rakhi from an angry D this year! I regret!

All in all, an unsatisfying year. Shoo!

Zilch...zip, nada!

2007-10-26T04:46:00.001-07:00

Currently, too bored to write. Ideas for new posts/topics are welcome. No payment for accepted ideas. Not even a chocolate. Do it out of love, hun!

Image: www.boredatworkforum.com

A Socking Statistic

2007-05-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, having nothing better to do, I headed off to Statcounter to check my blog statistics. I was astonished. 0.5 million hits per month?? Even going by the number of comments that my posts regularly generate, this was something I never even imagined possible. Was I dreaming? (as it turned out, I was. But let’s not get into that.)

Having marveled at this shockingly improbable statistic, I then pondered over a question of profound psychological importance:
Where the deuce was my other black sock?
Not the one I had on, of course, but the slightly stretched, matching one with the moth-eaten hole through which the big toe poked out and wiggled.

This thought, in turn, led to other thoughts of equal importance. Was I supposed to walk around with just one sock on? Was that my purpose in life? And what about the shoes? Should I wear both or just one on the foot with the sock? Would the other foot scream, “Blatant Discrimination!!” if I did that? Would it then refuse to walk? What if it went on strike? Would it disentangle itself from the body? If so, would I be able to impress wide-eyed impressionable kids with my tales and adventures of the suave one-legged pirate, that commander of the great behemoth of the seas called the Green Trouser, the brave and daring Capt. Bone ‘Pickels’ Marrow? Would the ladies look at me and giggle, “khikhikhikhikhi”?

And so, with this wealth of thoughts running through my head on that warm lazy morning, I proceeded to stand up, stretch my muscles in all directions and look for the holey missing sock. This was located after some strenuous searching, rolled and tucked away tightly, in the vent of the overhead air conditioner. Having retrieved the sock, I put it on, wiggled my big toe through the hole, and the world seemed all right again.

Under Construction

2006-06-12T00:50:00.000-07:00

This site is under construction while I fetch the materials to build it.
Please visit again.
Thank you.

Disclaimer/Copyright

2002-10-14T00:24:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer
All material used in this blog is believed to be in the public domain. If you find an item copyrighted to you, contact the owner of this blog with details. The offending material will be removed.

Personal Opinion
The views expressed in this blog are the sole and personal views of the author of the respective post, unless explicitly stated otherwise. These views do not in any way reflect the views of any other parties, whether related to the author/owner or not, including previous or current employers. All posted comments are the views of the contributors. The author/owner of this blog cannot be held responsible for the views expressed therein. All comments and links are owned by their respective owners. The author/owner of this blog cannot be held responsible for the contents of links or services advertised on this blog.

Copyright
Work contained herein is the property of the owner of the blog. If you link to, or distribute, the work contained here, you must give due credit and a link back to the author.

Copyright 2006. All rights reserved.

About

2002-09-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

About me
I have walked this earth for 24 years. Now I am tired.

Claim to fame
I once won first prize at my school fun-fair.

Why I write
Because I like to.

Why you would want to read my writing
Hmmm..............................

What I am like
Moody, no-nonsense, no-bullshit. I enjoy a good laugh and find humor in lots of things. Sometimes fussy eater. Cant cook. Cant dance. Can stamp a lot on dance partner's feet though.

What I like
Reading, Writing, Adventure stuff - Rapelling, Rock Climbing and Trekking.

What I would like
Right now, loads of money, a sea-facing bungalow with private garden, and a sports car. Potential donors, please contact ASAP.

What I do
I am, in simple terms, into Technical Writing/Instructional Designing.

In fancy-schmancy terms, I am a technical communicator conveying complex ideas in simple language, making sense of nonsense, ensuring readibility from hilarity, and propagating clarity, objectivity and originality. All this, while trying to maintain brevity and a consistent flow, with emphasis on accuracy, correct grammar and punctuation.

Spot the inconsistency in the above two sentences.

My Secret Ambition
One day, I will rule the world (oh the megalomania...!!!).