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With no increase in salary for two years and a big increase in inflation and prices, it’s time to think out of the box to make ends meet. Therefore, ladies and gentlemen, V brings you:
The Get Rich Quick Scheme #101
V (& co.) will, with your cooperation and understanding, kidnap you for the purpose of extortion and ransom. After the ransom is paid in full, you will be released unharmed, and with a share of the booty. While in custody, you will be treated with the respect and warmth to which cooperation entitles you.
V (& co.) – The Unmatched Experts!
We are the only ones in the country with in-depth, end-to-end expertise in planning, executing and completing such operations. To ensure quality and no loose ends, the entire operation is performed in-house, with zero outsourcing.
Don’t be fooled into going with our competitors! Only V (& co.) offers:
Steals & Deals!
V (& co.) has taken the pioneering lead in launching innovative new plans that make everybody a winner! The more V earns, the more you earn! We provide various plans to suit your convenience and your family’s paying capacity. Don’t let these once in a lifetime deals get away!
Fine print:
As an added special bonus, our mass media publicity blitz (sample image below) ensures that your photos appear prominently in major newspapers and TV, making you an instant celebrity. This gives you a great chance to participate in TV shows like Bigg Boss, Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao, and Swayamvar and make even more money!!!
To set up an appointment, call our toll-free helpline on 1800-KIDNAP NOW!!
Image source: http://www.caracaschronicles.com
The Get Rich Quick Scheme #101
V (& co.) will, with your cooperation and understanding, kidnap you for the purpose of extortion and ransom. After the ransom is paid in full, you will be released unharmed, and with a share of the booty. While in custody, you will be treated with the respect and warmth to which cooperation entitles you.
V (& co.) – The Unmatched Experts!
We are the only ones in the country with in-depth, end-to-end expertise in planning, executing and completing such operations. To ensure quality and no loose ends, the entire operation is performed in-house, with zero outsourcing.
Don’t be fooled into going with our competitors! Only V (& co.) offers:
- Unmatched convenience - Choose your own time and place to get kidnapped!
- Unmatched flexibility - Choose your own tools to assist the kidnapping—Rope, Knife, Sack, Chloroform*, anything!
- Unmatched customization - Include your own demands in the ransom note—Tell daddy to buy you that stuffed teddy you always wanted!
Steals & Deals!
V (& co.) has taken the pioneering lead in launching innovative new plans that make everybody a winner! The more V earns, the more you earn! We provide various plans to suit your convenience and your family’s paying capacity. Don’t let these once in a lifetime deals get away!
Plan Name | Ransom Amount | % Share of Ransom | Amenities in Custody |
Crème de la Crème (Sabse bada Khiladi) (Best deal !) | Above 1 Cr. | 20% | Jacuzzi & Sauna, Gym membership, Tennis court, La-Z-Boy recliners, Free massages, food from 5-star hotels, pick-up and drop from/to kidnap point in Mercedes S-class car |
| Fatcats ho! (Paisa hi Paisa) | 50 Lac – 1 Cr. | 10% | Tennis courts, table tennis and pool facilities, Gym membership, food from 4-star hotels, passes to 1 Jagjit Singh ghazal concert |
| Aam Junta (Sasta, Sundar, Tikao) | 10 Lac – 50 Lac | 5% | Bed & blanket, Free Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner, FORGET-MI-NOT coffee mug, 1 pair of clean white shorts |
| Complimentary welcome drink is standard on all plans. Minimum ransom amount is Rs. 10 Lac. | |||
Fine print:
- Hospitality extends only as long as cooperation lasts. If you become cranky, you will be poisoned.
- If only part of the ransom is paid, you will be released in parts. You can chose the parts that you want released (such as limbs, stomach, toes) and the order in which they should be released. This is an ideal opportunity for removing redundant organs, such as that extra kidney which we will sell to recover the remainder of the ransom.
- Ransom amount must be paid in cash. EMI facility is not available.
- You agree not to file police compliant, and agree to sign an agreement to that effect on stamp paper. You agree to take complete responsibility for any legal and criminal issues that may arise.
- Scheme valid only in Bombay. For people outside Bombay, we provide special consultancy and support services on the art of self-kidnapping. Contact now for details and special offers.
- The above plans are subject to change without prior notification.
As an added special bonus, our mass media publicity blitz (sample image below) ensures that your photos appear prominently in major newspapers and TV, making you an instant celebrity. This gives you a great chance to participate in TV shows like Bigg Boss, Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao, and Swayamvar and make even more money!!!
Look mommy, I'm famous!!
To set up an appointment, call our toll-free helpline on 1800-KIDNAP NOW!!
Image source: http://www.caracaschronicles.com
FOR SALE*Item: 1 (one) White scroll mouse
Technology: Ball mouse
Brand: Logitech
Price: Rs 100/- only.
Ships: Worldwide
Item description:
Working PS2/Serial mouse with 2 buttons and a scroll wheel that acts as the 3rd button. Suitable for both left and right hand users. Comes with box and driver CD. Fair and lovely color. Wheel may give erotic feeling when scrolling.
This mouse has served its master faithfully for its entire lifetime, never once squeaking...till the end. It shall serve you equally faithfully (ok, maybe in a non-working capacity, but serve you it shall.)
Uses:
Multipurpose -
- Can be used as a normal mouse as well as decorative paperweight.
- Ball can be used to play goti (marbles).
- Long wire enables swinging mouse over head with ease to lasso pesky people.
- Wire can act as hangman's noose for make believe Saddam doll hangings.
- Features special 'WonkyMode' for exciting unpredictability and random actions without user intervention. Perfect for playing pranks on unsuspecting colleagues.
Optional accessories:
PS2 to serial converter: Rs 20/-
User manual: Rs 10/-
Notes:
- Shipping charges to be borne by buyer.
- Serial connection requires PS2 to serial converter. Available as optional accessory.
- Hangman's nooses are dangerous. This activity should not be performed on live humans. Seller assumes no responsibility for buyer's actions.
- Ball not meant to be swallowed. If swallowed, contact doctor. If religious, pray.
- CAVEAT EMPTOR applies at all times.
Interested parties may contact ASAP via email/Orkut scraps.
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* Conditions Apply.
Yesterday, having nothing better to do, I headed off to Statcounter to check my blog statistics. I was astonished. 0.5 million hits per month?? Even going by the number of comments that my posts regularly generate, this was something I never even imagined possible. Was I dreaming? (as it turned out, I was. But let’s not get into that.)
Having marveled at this shockingly improbable statistic, I then pondered over a question of profound psychological importance:
Where the deuce was my other black sock?
Not the one I had on, of course, but the slightly stretched, matching one with the moth-eaten hole through which the big toe poked out and wiggled.
This thought, in turn, led to other thoughts of equal importance. Was I supposed to walk around with just one sock on? Was that my purpose in life? And what about the shoes? Should I wear both or just one on the foot with the sock? Would the other foot scream, “Blatant Discrimination!!” if I did that? Would it then refuse to walk? What if it went on strike? Would it disentangle itself from the body? If so, would I be able to impress wide-eyed impressionable kids with my tales and adventures of the suave one-legged pirate, that commander of the great behemoth of the seas called the Green Trouser, the brave and daring Capt. Bone ‘Pickels’ Marrow? Would the ladies look at me and giggle, “khikhikhikhikhi”?
And so, with this wealth of thoughts running through my head on that warm lazy morning, I proceeded to stand up, stretch my muscles in all directions and look for the holey missing sock. This was located after some strenuous searching, rolled and tucked away tightly, in the vent of the overhead air conditioner. Having retrieved the sock, I put it on, wiggled my big toe through the hole, and the world seemed all right again.
Having marveled at this shockingly improbable statistic, I then pondered over a question of profound psychological importance:
Where the deuce was my other black sock?
Not the one I had on, of course, but the slightly stretched, matching one with the moth-eaten hole through which the big toe poked out and wiggled.
This thought, in turn, led to other thoughts of equal importance. Was I supposed to walk around with just one sock on? Was that my purpose in life? And what about the shoes? Should I wear both or just one on the foot with the sock? Would the other foot scream, “Blatant Discrimination!!” if I did that? Would it then refuse to walk? What if it went on strike? Would it disentangle itself from the body? If so, would I be able to impress wide-eyed impressionable kids with my tales and adventures of the suave one-legged pirate, that commander of the great behemoth of the seas called the Green Trouser, the brave and daring Capt. Bone ‘Pickels’ Marrow? Would the ladies look at me and giggle, “khikhikhikhikhi”?
And so, with this wealth of thoughts running through my head on that warm lazy morning, I proceeded to stand up, stretch my muscles in all directions and look for the holey missing sock. This was located after some strenuous searching, rolled and tucked away tightly, in the vent of the overhead air conditioner. Having retrieved the sock, I put it on, wiggled my big toe through the hole, and the world seemed all right again.
